The Diary Of Colleen


Thursday, April 2, 2009
Well I went a little bit past my goal of posting again within 2 weeks. I thought about it, but just haven't really had anything exciting to write about!
Today is a good day to write though because I injured myself in a fitness class the other night at the gym, and I literally can't get up from my desk without help. I'm running out of things to do that don't require me getting up!
I was thinking that I had really slowed down on my weight loss but then I noticed that my last blog post was 17 lbs. and I am now at 24 lbs.!!! Only 6 more to my goal!! I finally had to break down and ask Kris to give me part of my reward early though because I had no pants that fit. I thought that wearing pants that were too big would feel good, but it was actually really irritating because I was literally scared they were going to fall off every time I stood up! So he let me go and spend $100 on some new pants, which I did, and I have actually dropped 2 sizes!! Now THAT was a great feeling.
Luckily my top size hasn't changed, and honestly I don't think it really will. I was carrying all that extra weight around my waist, and that's pretty much where it has all come off!
I've been thinking a lot lately about how much this process has changed me these past few months. I had been going to the gym after work for a while before Kris & I made this deal, but I know I just wasn't taking it seriously before. I would look for any excuse to cut my workout short, or to get out of going altogether. I didn't challenge myself, I used the easiest setting on the machine, and watched the clock the whole time. Now, I bring a book to read, so it actually blocks the clock on the machine, and I gradually up the resistance on the machine as I go, until I get to a point where I don't think I can physically go any higher. It's a habit now for me to go to the gym right after work, and if for some reason I can't go, I feel off, like something is missing from my day.
I also have been reading a book about nutrition and I think I have finally got this eating thing down to a science. I have been thinking a lot about how when I go on a diet, I tend to stick to one particular food, and after a while I get tired of being so limited as to what I can eat. Low Carb has always worked best for me but it was hard and I usually got burnt out because I really like bread, and I really like sweets. Weight Watchers didn't work worth a crap, but I ate a lot of bread with that because I was mostly watching calorie intake. So this time I thought I would not cut anything completely out, but instead just limit it. I'm watching everything now... my carbs, my calories, my fat. But I don't deny myself anything. If I want some ice cream, I have it. I don't have very much though, and then I limit my sugar and calories for the rest of the day. I'm making sure that at least 90% of my diet is vegetables and/or lean protein. But that still leaves me 10% to work with, so I have a little room to cheat! I've finally found the balance. And look what it's doing for me!
The drinking has been a big thing for me too. I really had been coming home and having a few beers every single night for quite a while. I thought it would be really hard to give that up, but honestly, it gives me something to look forward to now. I only drink Friday and Saturday night now, and that first beer come Friday night tastes soooooo good. The other benefit is that it doesn't take me near as many drinks to feel the effects!
Speaking of drinking (and moving away from the topic I could go on about all day), Kris & I decided to venture up to Chicago this year for the St. Patty's Day parade, and dying of the river. I had been before, once, but Kris hadn't. And I don't think he was as excited as I was about it, but I know he ended up having a good time. This was also the first time he had been up to stay with my best friend Tara & her husband (pretty sad considering we've been together almost 4 years). Visiting Tara & Mike used to be one of my favorite things to do, and I don't know why I stopped doing it after I met Kris, but he had so much fun with them, and now I think he really hopes it will be something we do way more often! Which obviously makes me very happy!!
It's hard to believe St. Patrick's Day has already come & gone! I'm getting really excited for it to warm up outside. I'm already thinking up projects for the yard again... It's gonna be a little bit harder this year, being on a budget... I definitely had a lot more $$ to put into my flowers last year, but just as I have with everything else, I'll make it work!
I'm also starting to think a lot more about getting my cake decorating business off the ground. My mom found us a wedding cake gig in September, which I was nervous about at first, but the more I think about it, the more I think it will light a fire under my you-know-what! I have been procrastinating big time on getting it started, but I think actually having a job booked will make it easier. I have to practice. I have to start working on it... because this is somebody's wedding!! I'd like to get maybe one or two more jobs booked this year, even if they are something more simple like a birthday or anniversary cake... Every little bit helps!
Well I think that's enough of the mumbo-jumbo for now...
I'll shoot for 2 weeks again!!!

Posted by Colleen at 1:35 PM | 0 comments
Monday, February 23, 2009
I finally figured out how to post blogs on here through my e-mail! So I'm excited that now I should be able to blog from my BlackBerry, and maybe that'll allow me to post more often than I have been lately... It's so hard for me to sit down in front of a computer when I'm home, now that I am in front of one all day long. And I hate to blog from work...
Well... I am officially 17 lbs. lighter than I was January 1st. I'm proud of it in a way, but in another way I'm not.
I put on 12 lbs. over the holidays. TWELVE POUNDS. There is no excuse for that. I'm embarrassed and disappointed in myself for letting it happen. But it will most definitely be the last time...
So anyways, I didn't really consider the first 12 lbs as a loss because it was just getting me back to the point I should have never left. Regardless though, I have worked my behind off these past 2 months, and although it's been tough at times, I already feel 1000% better.
Kris was telling me the other night that he's noticed some changes in me lately. He said part of it he thinks had to do with getting out of retail. Slowly over the past year I have become happier and happier (he actually used the word "cheerful").
I think he's right. I feel like I'm a lot more patient, and optimistic about things. I'm able to laugh a lot of things off now, and before I really had a bad habit of letting things get to me.
And he said since I've been losing the weight, I seem like I've had more energy, and I'm more willing to do things. I know that part is true. When I was heavier, I didn't want to do anything. I sat on the couch and fell asleep every night at 8:00 or sooner, and then I could hardly get out of bed in the morning.
Since I've been exercising, I've been keeping so busy at night that I've actually gotten 2 weeks behind on my TV shows. Our DVR is almost full because there's so much else I want to do at night!!
I'm not happy with how the Biggest Loser contest is going though. I counted 50 people (out of 400) who were ahead of me last month. And the #1 person had lost 32 lbs.!! How can someone lose 32 lbs. in one month???? It's a little discouraging, but I know how easy it is to start off a diet real strong, the real challenge is keeping up the momentum after a month or two. So I'm gonna keep going and hope I can move a little closer to the top for next month.
Kris is keeping his end of the bargain too. He has not smoked a cigarette in 3 weeks as of today! I am SO proud of him, because I know this was a very hard thing for him. I have been working on getting him to quit for 3 1/2 years, and was almost to the point where I thought it was impossible. But he said seeing how hard I was working with my weight loss while he wasn't doing much of anything for his health got him thinking and gave him a good reason to give it a shot!
I think he thought it was going to be a lot easier than it was. He figured the cravings would be gone after a week, but he is STILL having them every day. He did it cold turkey though, no nicotine gum or patches or anything. He just quit.
He was supposed to get his PS3 after one month of not smoking, but after two weeks of watching him nervously try and find stuff to do to keep his mind off the smoking, I gave in and let him have it. (He didn't know it had been sitting in the basement- I had grabbed one on sale!) I think it was the right thing to do though because it definitely keeps his fingers busy and off the thought of smoking!
He's also been learning how to brew beer, and I definitely think this has become a favorite hobby for him (second only to BBQ-ing!) The first batch came out very good, although I only let myself have one thanks to my diet. The second batch is just about done (It takes about a month from start to finish!)
Other news in the Barnlund world, we have a new niece! Her name is Ashlyn and she was born on January 30th. It's so interesting, I've seen tons of friends have babies, and I love them all, but it's so different when it's family. I see so much of Erik, and even Kris, in her... and it was just amazing to see them with her the day she was born.
It's definitely got me thinking a little bit lately. I'm starting to wonder a little about what our kids would look like :) Just a little...
We made our hotel reservations for Denver and Disney. We are going to Denver over Memorial Day weekend. I'm pretty excited about that, we LOVED it there in October, I can't wait to see it in the spring... And I'm glad we'll have more time to sight-see this time. There is definitely a lot to see! We are going to DisneyWorld December 17th-22nd. I thought about it a lot (Kris didn't care!) and decided I wanted to see Disney at Christmas-time. I was there once at Christmas when I was young, and I remember it was absolutely amazing. Plus, this will give me a reason to have the week of Christmas off work AND we will be there for my 30th birthday!!! I can't think of any way I'd rather avoid the fact that I'm getting old than at DisneyWorld!
So I will have December 17th through 27th off of work. For the first time since I started working at age 16. I can't wait!
Well, I think that's all that's going on in our world at the moment.
My goal is to update again within 2 weeks!!!
 
 

Posted by Colleen at 11:47 AM | 1 comments
Monday, January 19, 2009
Once again, I say I'm gonna start writing in this blog and I never do it! I've sat down and started to write once or twice, but it's finishing that is the problem. I think this time I'm just gonna write, and if I don't finish it, I'm gonna post it anyways. So if this cuts off in the middle of a sentence, don't worry, I did it on purpose!
Let's see, it was November when I last posted so what has happened?
Duh- the holidays!
Thanksgiving was FABULOUS. Except for the fact I went out the night before and had wayyyyyyy too much to drink, then felt like I was gonna throw up the entire 1.5 hour drive to Kris's parents house. I've worked the night before Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember, and always been jealous of everyone who gets to go out and party. My best friend Tara was home for the holiday, and I'll be the first to admit that when she's around, I tend to go a little overboard on the fun factor!
I had the Friday after Thanksgiving off. You don't know how much that meant to me!!! Kris had to go to work, so I went back to sleep after he left and then after a while I got up, turned on some Christmas music and baked Gingerbread ALL DAY. It couldn't have been more perfect of a day. I was kind of sad that Kris had to work, but it was also really nice to have the house to myself for the first time in a long time!
Then came December...
I turned 29. Not much to say about that other than I plan to thoroughly enjoy the last year of my 20's!
As for Christmas, well it could have been better.
I am guilty of something... I'm very dependent on Christmas.
I look forward to it all year, I get my hopes up for some perfect time with my family, and it always tends to fall short.
Christmas Eve we usually spend the night at my parents' house. So we packed our bags and, along with Riley, jumped in the car and headed south. We went to Church, which I was really happy about because we missed it last year. When we got back home though, things took an ugly turn.
I won't go into details but my parents got into an argument, which resulted in Kris and I taking my Mom, brother and their two dogs home with us at about 1:00 a.m. Christmas Eve, technically Christmas Day. Picture the four of us, in our little Taurus, with an 80 lb. boxer, a 40 lb. Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and of course little 25 lb. Riley.
It's over and in the past now, but the whole thing has stirred up a lot of bad memories.
I'm still trying to deal with things, and it has been really really hard. I'm actually on the verge of going and talking to someone because I just don't know what to do... Should I try to fix it? Should I leave it alone? Should I pretend like it didn't happen?
It's tough. It's real tough. It's a situation I wouldn't wish on anyone else, that's for sure...
Back to the brighter side.
New Year's.
I got an e-mail flyer back in November about a New Year's celebration at Swinger's Grille, and I ran it by a few friends, and we decided to go for it, and I'm SOooooo glad we did, it was so nice. They had it decorated really nice, they had a buffet, and it was open bar! We'll for sure be doing that again next year!
My #1 resolution is to lose weight. And I know, like a lot of people I say that every year, but I gained 12 lbs. in the month of December and I absolutely hate the way I feel right now. I'm still not as heavy as I was back in 2005 when I was at my heaviest, but I'm a little close for comfort.
So I decided I wanted to up the stakes a little bit this year to make sure I stick to my diet. I have a free gym memborship through my work, and they do a "Biggest Loser" contest every year... So I'm giving it a shot! They base it on % of your weight. Last year, the winner lost 27% of their weight! That's a lot. Especially considering it is only 4 months long. So I am really busting my butt right now. Eating nothing but vegetables and lean meat. 45 minutes on the elliptical, 5 days a week, plus 2 - 15 minute strength training sessions on top of that. And this week, I'm starting Pilates class, so that will be in addition to the other training. I feel like I'm always at the gym right now, but it has really become something I look forward to. I used to look forward to getting home and sitting on the couch, but now I get home and I can't sit still! I'm sleeping so much better at night too. I pretty much sleep all the way through the night, and don't have any trouble getting up in the morning. It feels good to be healthy... Rough getting started but well worth it in the long run!
Kris's Christmas present to me was a trip to Denver, and I tried to talk him into trading it for a trip somewhere warm, but ultimately we decided to do both! I really want to go to Disney, and the more I think about it, the more I think I want to try and go for my 30th birthday next December, so we are currently scoping out ticket prices and stuff for that! I'm excited, we haven't had a real vacation in a long time...
So, I guess that's about it. Overall the holidays were pretty nice. Glad they are over though.
Talk to you later, oh sweet journal!

Posted by Colleen at 1:39 PM | 0 comments
Friday, November 14, 2008
It's been quite a while since my last post. Over a year actually, no
excuse for that.
I've been really wanting to get back into it, but I can never decide
where to begin.
I love to write, but there's always been something weird to me about
keeping a journal. I'm much better at writing to actual people. But
the journal concept allows me to be a little selfish for a bit. I can
write all about me, my life, my feelings without having to stop and
inquire how the person on the other end is doing, or offer insight
into what's going on in their lives. Don't get me wrong, I love doing
that too. But sometimes people are just too burdoned with their own
issues, and I don't want to load my own onto theirs.
Not that I even have too many issues to burdon anyone with these days,
things are pretty darn good.
That brings me to my title, "Six Months".
Last Christmas, I had a meltdown.
I love Christmas, I always have, but working retail was ruining it for
me. It's always been important to me to keep my work at work, because
retail at Christmas is just downright horrible. To be completely
honest, you see people at their worst, their grouchiest, rudest, most
selfish. People have pretty much forgotten the true meaning of
Christmas. Little by little, year after year, it's become worse and
worse.
Anyways, a series of bad events, one after the other, caused work to
interfere with my personal life last holiday season, and come January,
I felt like I had completely missed Christmas.
I will never feel like that ever again.
I gave my two weeks notice to Aeropostale on April 28th, and after
many tears (of doubt, fear, and a mix of other emotions), I started my
new job, with an electrical equipment supplier on May 12th.
I didn't really realize what a huge impact it was going to have on me
to switch jobs.
But here I am, November 14th, six months later, looking back and
realizing all the things I did this summer that I definitely couldn't
have done if I still worked at Aeropostale...
I have gone out to dinner with Kris every single Friday night.
I have made breakfast every Sunday morning.
I planted flowers in my flower bed, cared for them, watched them grow,
and sat on the front porch many times just to enjoy them.
We met and became good friends with our next door neighbors, often
sitting outside drinking, talking & playing bags til the wee hours
with them.
We had a "Pulled Pork Cookoff" in our backyard for the Fourth of July
weekend, which we have decided will be a yearly tradition.
We spent a lot of late nights on our back porch, listening to music
and fantasizing about opening our own BBQ restaurant someday...
We took a trip to St. Louis to celebrate our 3rd anniversary weekend,
took a tour of Anheuiser-Busch, and travelled to some famous BBQ
restaurants just for fun.
I bet (and lost) $5 on a horse at Arlington Park Race Track with my
family on Father's Day.
I went camping for my first time in Missouri, with our close friends
Johnny & Michelle. We took a float trip down the very scenic Meramec
River on a perfect summer day, one of the coolest things I have ever
done.
We've had friends over, or gone out with friends every weekend with
the exception of one or two.
I saw Poison live in Springfield with Michelle.
I had Memorial Day, Independence Day, and Labor Day all off work, with
pay, without fuss.
I will have Thanksgiving, the Day after Thanksgiving, as well as
Christmas & Christmas Eve off too.
I helped my Mom plan my Grandmother's funeral, a task she would have
had to handle by herself had work not been 110% understanding. They
also sent me a sympathy plant and card the day I came back to work.
We flew to Colorado for our friends (Mike & Erica)'s wedding. We spent
a *perfect* day in the mountains with Johnny & Michelle, just taking
in all the amazing scenery. Another one of the coolest things I've
done in one of the coolest places I've been.
Above all, I've had a huge amount of quality time with Kris, Riley,
and our families. I could not possibly over-stress what an impact it
has had on me just to have more time with the people I love.
The time off is just a bonus though, I actually have a job that I
love. I can get out of bed in the morning, because I don't have to
fear a stressful work environment at all. Six months in, and I have
not had one unbearable experience or customer to deal with yet.
Life is good.
Just a side-note too, as I sat here typing this, my boss came and
handed me 4 tickets to tomorrow night's hockey game. A few minutes
later, I got an e-mail informing me that the company would be buying
all the employees a 15-lb. turkey for Thanksgiving.
I hope everyone is as blessed as I am :)

Posted by Colleen at 12:09 PM | 0 comments
Monday, September 24, 2007
Two weeks ago we began moving into a new house.
For some reason, I've really been struggling to make it feel like home.
I've been on this emotional roller coaster for some time now. I can't even remember when, where or why it began.
I can't control the tears, they just come.

Today though, I woke up at home.

So much has been released now. Kris and I have been together for over 2 years, but we are really just beginning.

I don't know why some people make it their life's goal to make you feel beneath them. Is it really possible that cutting other people down can make them feel good about themself? It's a scary thought. I always thought life was about doing for others and making others feel good. Now I know it's really about surviving the challenges that life throws at you, and learning from them.

God gave us friends for a reason. To help us through these challenges.

I survived.

I can only hope that larger challenges don't lie ahead, but I know that they do.

Thank God for my friends.

Posted by Colleen at 10:21 AM | 0 comments

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